The best friend gene

My whole life, Christmas has been about children (the easy part) I excel at "doing" Christmas.
 New year on the other hand is about adults and friendship. These days (screeches to a halt) not so much.
Every New Year for the past ten years I usually end up in bed, alone and crying for opportunities missed and wishing I had good friends to celebrate with.  Maybe its the choices I have made, maybe its me.  I don't know.

 When I was younger (and childfree) Life seemed to be one big party. I lived it to the full, had loads of "friends" around me but I've never had a "best" friend. It wasn't something I thought a lot about  as I moved  a lot in the army, always travelling from one part of the Country and World to the next always making friends easily but never really having that one special friend.

These days I am settled in Devon, have a young family and a husband.  What I don't have are any "best friends"  I say friends that way because yes of course I know lots of people, chat all the time on social media. at the school gate, through blogging, to neighbours etc etc but I don't have that special "someone" who has my back, who really understands me and would drop everything to help me out, support me even if they think I am being a prat (and tell me so) who won't get offended if I make a stupid remark.  I try really hard to help others out, be supportive but it always seems to be unreciprocated (not that I expect people to do that of course)  I just try hard to help people if they need it.  It seems everybody has the friendship thing sorted out except me.

 I often wish I could be a fly on the wall watching other women talk to each other.  I see all the comments on Facebook about the amazing time people have had with their friends and I wonder what is it that these people talk about, have in common that make them so special to each other.  I think I am missing the "best friend gene"  Maybe I am a bore, too old, out of touch with people.  Maybe I am too opinionated although I know plenty of people who seem to be likewise and still have "best friends".  So many of them get away with being selfish and opinionated and yet seem to be surrounded by supportive and loving friends.

Maybe they have known each other all their lives, grown up together are like extended family. Maybe people just don't have room in their lives to make new "best friends" .

I'm older than most I know and still haven't learned the secrets.  Maybe its one of those clubs I just will never join.