Feel the Hygge

    Becozi

I've been a lifetime admirer of all things Scandinavian.  From the furniture to the landscapes and in particular the philosophy behind the Danish word Hygge (pronounced hue - gah).

Doing the right thing

 People say there is no love like that of a mother and her sons. 

I hope this is true.  I am the Mother of 3 sons but sometimes I feel like I am an alien in this world of males as I try to do the right thing.

  I sit here having just been told by my eldest that he is thinking about visiting the "grandparents" he hasn't seen for many year.  I suppose I always knew this day would happen.

Like the day he made contact with his half sister again (she is a wonderful, kind girl whose mum has done an amazing job bringing her up alone) but my heart hurts.  He doesn't have any idea of what I went through when he was a baby, nor should he, that's my job as a good mother right ?

How I had no one to turn to when life and family let me down. 

How these "grandparents" refused to help me with just half a day's childcare as I battled as a single parent to find a home, a job and security for my baby boy, even though his half sister and her cousin were regularly looked after by them , taken on day trips and holidays.  But no room for the grandson,

"no, sorry"
.
 "No can't help with childcare, no sorry ".

 I was made even stronger by this, I knew I would never stay with their son, his violent outbursts, anger and the fear.  Not for my child thank you very much.  I moved on, worked hard, left my son crying at the gate in nurseries all day, every day while I built a better life for us.

And I did.

I worked and worked, went home at night with my son, for many years never going out, never leaving him with baby sitters.  He was too precious to me, I never wanted him to worry, to feel alone like I did.  I talked to him and answered all his questions, showing him the world, taking him on holidays, teaching him to be kind and good and strong. To work hard, to not expect anything from anyone else.  Go and get it for yourself. Don't hurt others, but stand up for yourself. Be a good man.  With no help from the "grandparents" with no contact from his father, no financial support.  We were a team.  It was me he came to when he was hurt, it was me who hugged away his fears, taught him everything, who nursed him when he lay seriously ill in hospital, when he cried.  IT WAS ME.

So now I sit here in my bedroom

Alone

Whilst he is downstairs with the other woman who has taken my place, who he listens to, who he hugs and kisses all the time

Not many for me these days, nope sorry,

I've moved on mum I have a new love in my life now

and now another fear

that he will go and see these "grandparents" he hasn't seen since he was small and they will steal his heart, that he will think that I was wrong, that I took him away from them, his father, their family.

Because I always seem to be wrong in his eyes these days

I don't feel I am the mum he wants me to be, that I have let him down, failed him. 

He sees me through adult eyes with all my failings, faults and insecurities.  That he doesn't like what he sees.

I am no longer his hero.

and I am loosing him......

The best friend gene

My whole life, Christmas has been about children (the easy part) I excel at "doing" Christmas.
 New year on the other hand is about adults and friendship. These days (screeches to a halt) not so much.

When family and home have to come first

Its with much sadness that I have to close my beloved shop.  Its not a decision I have made easily and have shed more than a few tears of late trying to make the final call to the Landlord.  Its been a glorious if not stressful ride for the last year but I really didn't appreciate how much time and energy it would take.  My family and my health have suffered and you don't get a second chance with either of those.

I've been lucky to have the opportunity to realise my dream and whose not to say I might even return to it down the line, but for now I am taking a bit of  rest when I close up.  I will then return to a job I know well, with people I like and respect and which will give me much more time to spend with my young family.

I've met some pretty amazing people over the last year in Exmouth and I will certainly miss all the chats and laughs.  I think good old fashioned customer service is sadly lacking in this country these days so hope at least some of those customers will appreciate the service I gave them.

Its not the end of  The White Approach brand and after a break I will be returning to select fairs and events.  I might even get my website back up and running properly too.

At the moment I am feeling very fragile and just a bit of a failure but I know I have made the right decision for my family and myself and hope I will feel it is the right decision at some point soon.

Anyway, the last day I will be open is .Saturday 29th March so if you are in the area, please do pop in for a browse and a chat before then.

Many thanks indeed to all the lovely friends and customers who have taken the time to search out my little tucked away piece of heaven over the last year.  I have truly appreciated each and every sale.


Karen XxXx